A good friend of mine asked me when was the last time I received a phone call from a guy- not through mobile; a land line. I had a hard time remembering, because I guess it was ages ago.
"I always get phone calls from my dad.", I said.
"Nope, not that. A phone call from a guy who likes you. You know, talk for hours about random things. Yun super kilig!"
I stopped for a moment and thought about the last phone conversation that I had over the phone, with a boy who I was crazy over. He was asking homework help from me. I didn't care if he was just using me for my skills. I just felt extremely happy that I was hearing his voice from the other end of the line. It was a phone call for hours; something that you won't get from just anyone.
I just muttered, "Yeah, a few years back. In college."
Suddenly, I wanted to feel that spark again- that moment wherein you can't contain that overflowing happiness inside you that you just want to burst like a bubble. I just want to be kilig (a Filipino term for feeling butterflies in your stomach) all over. During our (milk)tea time today, I received a rectangular box that had flowers in them. Someone sent me three stems of pastel roses. There wasn't any note or name, so I don't know who sent them to me. I was so curious, because I wanted to know who should I give thanks to.
Oh wait, no. I really wanted to know who mustered up some courage to send me flowers.
Nowadays, sending flowers is just so-so. Love letters aren't in anymore, and phone calls are very baduy. Sex comes first, and you're pretty lucky if you get a call after a week of stripping under the sheets. Young girls now get kilig when a guy comments "Hot!" on their Facebook profile photos. They get so worked up with the idea of someone wanting to bang them.
I'm not some conservative wannabe (I say dirty comments all the time haha) and I'm not going to force people to be one. I just miss feeling those things that they sing in pop songs. I miss getting calls full of plain randomness. I miss receiving letters written with effort and bad handwriting. I miss getting surprise visits even if its just for 10 minutes. I miss getting my hand held and feel butterflies in my stomach. I miss being kilig.
Being 20+ shouldn't stop me from feeling that. I still believe that I will be able to find it soon, and I'll get to feel it everyday. I don't care if it makes me feel like I'm going to get a heart attack and my chest will burst out anytime- I just want that in my life.
Who knows? Maybe I'll find that kilig soon. Or maybe I have to wait for a few days, months, or even years! I'm keeping the faith that no matter what, I'll feel it again. All I know is that someday, I'll be able to tell my friend this:
"I didn't just get a phone call. I got so much more. Grabe, super kilig!"
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